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Couples Seeking Solutions Blog


Self Love Boundaries

Posted on July 31, 2016 at 12:31 AM Comments comments (79)
"Self Love Boundaries"

We (human beings) live in a world where we spend most of our lives trying to get approval or acceptance from others. We are social beings, so it's normal. But many of us don't think about the relationship we have with ourselves; with our own self approval or what I like to call, "self love boundaries!"

We bend over backwards, often times sacrificing our boundaries and peace of mind to get someone to like us, to make someone proud, and often times we do it to feel needed or loved. This happens personally with our spouses, kids, extended family and friends, as well as professionally. 

Many of my clients report emotional burn out in search of approval and most times don't really get the response they desire. The unfortunate part is that being a "yes gal or guy" is it not only causes emotional burnout it can also cause resentment over long periods of time. The reason for this is if your not respecting your "self love boundaries," you most likely will not be respected and often times feel taken for granted. 

Feeling accepted or approved of has many faces; admiration, dependablity, feeling good enough, love etc. It can mean so many different things.

An important question to ask yourself is: What does it mean to you?

If your thinking, "I always say YES despite myself" than read on. 

Learning how to answer the question "if I say yes in the name of being accepted or approved of, what will I be sacrificing for myself?" 
Will you be sacrificing your life energy, peace of mind, self care, your boundaries ...? Or, all of the above and more?

Often times when my clients start practicing "self love boundaries" things start to turn around for them. They start to feel more life energy and they notice a new found respect level from those they are in relationship with; as they no longer feel taken for granted or under appreciated. What they realize is that not having their own self love boundaries says more about themselves than those they wanted to get approval from. Once they establish "self love boundaries" they report feeling more at peace, less self doubt, and more self assured.

Next time your about to sacrifice your "self love boundaries" for the sake of approval and or acceptance in whatever form it takes for you, be mindful of the question "what will I be giving up or sacrificing if I say yes?" If the answer is burnout, frustration, or resentment, than don't do it. I always suggest that my clients increase their vulnerability with loved ones, to let their families learn of their feelings and why it's important for them to have "self love boundaries." Most of the time, if the relationship is not toxic, your friends, family, and colleagues will understand and can even learn from you on how to set boundaries in their lives. 

If you think you can say yes without sacrificing yourself, than go for it! Practice finding a balance and stay mindful of your "self love boundaries" and get busy putting them into action. You will feel so much better and most likely have flourishing personal and professional relationships without the onset of emotional burnout. Balance is possible!